Author: Parker Belsky (Page 1 of 2)

I did not find the revision strategy worksheets as helpful as I would have liked, and I assume this is because I have always been decent at planning out my paper and paragraphs. What I would have found more helpful is a general guide to MLA format to remind me of how to properly format my paper. This could have also helped with me citations and when certain ones were necessary for what various situations. As I have been progressing as a writer this year, I have immensely improved in all aspects of writing other than MLA format. Outside of English 110, I have noticed my writing improve in my lab reports. Not exactly my style of writing, but the easy transferring of my thoughts into words in a better time frame. I wish I would have taken this class first semester instead of second semester because it would have been extremely helpful having these skills before having to write three environmental issues papers. What I did appreciate were the comments on my papers, because they allowed me to focus on what I need to improve about my writing, and what I have been doing well on so that I could continue to maintain those writing skills.

My goal for this essay is to properly cite and format my paper. This seems to be the only thing I am truly struggling with considering I have improved everywhere else in my ability to write. I would also like to make a second goal of connecting all my topic sentences with my main claim sentences so that my paper will be as consistent and on track as possible. In order to properly cite and format my work, I am going to refer to the link you included in your comments in my last essay that will help me check if I have everything correct and in MLA format. What I see as my biggest challenge is having to generate enough material on the aspect of beauty in society I am trying to argue. talking about having a healthy balance of chaos and harmony being the constant struggle that allows us to define beauty because we would not be able to call something beautiful of we had something chaotic or tragic to compare it to. If a problem comes up that I cannot seem to figure out on my own I have friends on my football team in my class that I would ask for help since I see them nearly everyday, and if they could not figure it out either I would ask professor Emerson or visit Digispace.

For my essay I am going to use pictures to assist my essay in visual communications and spatial communication by arranging my essay in a certain way. I want to arrange it around my ideas so that the pictures will give the reader a better understanding of my quotes and explanation of my quotes. I hope to use the citation suggestions used in my previous essay to better format this essay. I also plan on using hyperlinks.

To plan my essay, I will begin by talking about my own definition of beauty. my intro will lead into my thesis, and for my first paragraph I will reflect on my definition, and what it means to me. I hope use find pictures, links, or both to further support my argument. in my second paragraph, i plan to use Armstrong’s arguments to support my thesis. for my third paragraph im going to use a naysayer paragraph and talk about why my argument would trump another argument. I would then include other paragraphs that support my essay, discuss what society’s definition of beauty is, and what should change about it. I would then conclude my essay.

I believe that Armstrong’s statement, “To regard beauty as a luxury adornment or a social signifier was to miss the true potential of the experience,” was a way in which he wanted to convey that beauty can just be beauty and have no one definition by which society has to give to it. Beauty to me is the feeling I get when I come home from school on breaks and get to see my family. Seeing my dog approach an older age makes me appreciate her more, and all the other things my family members do for me. Having to younger brothers I have paved a path for while instilling in them what I have learned through my experiences is certainly a wonderful feeling. Especially when I get to see the men they are becoming. My mother always asking if there is anything she can do for me, my father always striking up conversations with the three of his sons about sports or serious topics are memories I find beautiful. To others, they may chalk up the idea of family not being an important thing to them, or even something they do not enjoy that could be problematic in their life. However beauty to me does not have to be beauty to someone else, and beauty is given its own definition by whoever decides to call something beautiful by which they deem appropriate. Beauty to the culture I’ve been raised in would directly coincide with music. Where we live there are so many different cultures and backgrounds, but we all find beauty and appreciation in the music we love. The ability to relate to others and express yourself just through your own taste in music. New England in its own culture would always find the patriots winning the super bowl one of the most beautiful things to witness, because it brings out such raw emotion and happiness.

Armstrong often quoted Schiller and reflected on his thoughts, writing, “For Schiller, true beauty is whatever speaks powerfully to both sides of our nature at the same time. When we find something beautiful, we are called towards a vision of harmonious perfection. This is not only a quality in the object, but a longing in ourselves.” (Armstrong). When we seem a chance for our moral character to act and do something we believe society would respect one for, this creates a sense of happiness and pride in the individual. For example, someone snatches an old woman’s purse on a sidewalk and you chase the thief down and catch him. you had no relationship to the woman or the person stealing from her, but your own morals were called into question as a bystander with the ability to right something you viewed as wrong, and you acted on those morals so that you would reward yourself with the sense of pride that in itself can be seen as beautiful, and to prevent the feeling of guilt and self-shame for not defending your morals and allowing something to occur that you viewed as wrong.

The images above show the writing strategies applied to my essay from chapter 12 in they say I say. The red highlights are phrases that I have repeated often which are “both sides of the brain”, “potential”, and “approach.” This has shown me that i can either substitute these for different words or phrases at times or change them all together. The blue highlight is the use of key terms such as brain, science, and art. Seeing the use of these key terms in every paragraph of my paper shows that I keep on top of my idea for the paper and don’t stray off topic. The pink highlights are for good transitions in the paper. I have these in every paragraph, and I’m satisfied with how many I have in the paper.

John Lehrer argues that art and science need to be more intertwined in society today. Society has taken a more scientific view of the world the past few centuries, leaving art, and religion in the shadow. having an alternative view such as an artistic view uses the entire other side of the brain. This thinking can allow humans to explore answers attempted to be solved with science instead solved with an artistic approach. The mystery of the universes questions cannot all be answered through science, and having the ability to approach it from a different angle is an opportunity that we have to take in order to  solves those questions.

Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle- The concept that there is a limit to what we can learn about nature and quantum particles.

Bridging Principle-  concept of neurological activity of brain cells creating consciousness.

Reductionism- The practice of analyzing and describing a complex phenomenon in terms of different phenomena that are held to represent a simpler level of event.

Synapse- The junction at which a nerve cell connects to a dendrite of another nerve cell to pass an electric or chemical signal.

Epiphenomenon- a product of of a process that has no effect on the process.

Holistic Perspective- Looking at a person spiritually, physically, and emotional. An ideology of healing.

Metaphor- Describing a likewise situation without using like or as.

The Immediate context of this piece of writing includes the background about himself. His grammies, when he began playing the cello, which was at five years old. The recognition he received at the Kennedy Center and where he graduated from school are also part of the immediate context. It also describes contributors to the same paper he was published on, and his advocation for STEAM. We learn that he is a pioneer of innovative thinking and the addition of arts to the stem core of education.

The imposed context would be what I feel or think while reading this essay and why I chose to read this essay. I began reading this essay because it was homework for english, but I soon became interested in what he had to say because of how I related to him. I as well played a musical instrument from a very young age, and this doing that did make me empathetic and well connected with the artistic side of my brain. I agree that stem should also include the arts, as they are a very important aspect to our culture and society. The problem I see with arts in society is that they do not make money that is seen as comfortable by society. Artists choose to go into art because the truly enjoy what they do. Many people who go into sciences do it because they are good at it and it can support a family comfortable.

the internal context refers to the why of the paper. Why does it matter that we incorporate arts into education? Ma says that incorporating arts into the core of of stem will cover both ends of the spectrum and perfect the “edge effect.” having members of society push both sides of the spectrum brings the world closer together and allows humans to better empathize with one another.

First Quote

Southan would argue that it doesn’t matter if Kaphar’s work is unique. “Simply put, EAs want to reduce suffering and increase lifespan and happiness.”

Southan would argue that it doesn’t matter if Kaphar’s work is unique. He comments, “Simply put, EAs want to reduce suffering and increase lifespan and happiness” (Southan).

To alter this quote, I chose to add context prior to the quote that allows the paper to flow more smoothly into the quote instead of abruptly adding it. I also added my citation, but could not find the page number when I found the text online.

Second Quote

Kaphar would argue to Southan that  Southan’s essay at times makes you forget he is in fact an artist. Kaphar’s TED talk makes you want to become an artist and nearly join his very cause of recreating past sculptures and paintings to reflect our current societal views. “I want to make paintings, I want to make sculptures that are honest. That wrestle with the struggles of our past, but speak to the diversity and advancement of our present”.

Kaphar would argue to Southan that  Southan’s essay at times makes you forget he is in fact an artist. Kaphar’s TED talk makes you want to become an artist and nearly join his very cause of recreating past sculptures and paintings to reflect our current societal views. He states during his TED talk, “I want to make paintings, I want to make sculptures that are honest. That wrestle with the struggles of our past, but speak to the diversity and advancement of our present” (Kaphar).

To make the context of this quote better fit in my essay, I added an intro to the quote so that the author knows where the quote is coming from when Titus Kaphar states it. I think this adds more depth to the quote and structure to the paragraph. I also added my citation to the end of the quote so that the reader knows where its coming from.

rough draft paragraphs

Rhys Southan’s Is Art a Waste of Time and Titus Kaphlar’s Ted Talk representing alternate views on art and artists’ influence in today’s society. Southan’s essay describes struggle for all artists not finding a sense of originality and being viewed as uninfluential on an individual scale. Titus Kaphlar’s TED talk describes a much different story where a simple question from his son about a sculpture in front of the Smithsonian Museum motivates him to work on amending all historical artwork to portray a more modern cultural view. Art is one of the most influential ways someone’s ideas can be supported or changed. It is its own language, its own expression. Both artists have the ability to change the world in their own way but their individual approach to the situation clash.

What would a conversation between Southan and Kaphlar about the topic of art’s influence sound like? It would most certainly be interesting, considering one of them is questioning whether it is or isn’t, and the other one is doing worldwide talks and appearances. Southan’s essay at times makes you forget he is in fact an artist. Kaphar’s TED talk makes you want to become an artist and nearly join his very cause of recreating past sculptures and paintings to reflect our current societal views. Southan’s frequent doubt of artists when he himself leaves you slightly confused because the opinions he writes about often flip flop between one another.

Revised paragraphs

Rhys Southan’s Is Art a Waste of Time and Titus Kaphlar’s Ted Talk representing alternate views on art and artists’ influence in today’s society. Southan’s essay describes struggle for all artists not finding a sense of originality and being viewed as uninfluential on an individual scale. Titus Kaphlar’s TED talk describes a much different story where a simple question from his son about a sculpture in front of the Smithsonian Museum motivates him to work on amending all historical artwork to portray a more modern cultural view. Art is one of the most influential ways someone’s ideas can be supported or changed. It is its own language, its own expression. Both artists have the ability to change the world in their own way but their individual approach to the situation clash.

What would a conversation between Southan and Kaphlar about the topic of art’s influence sound like? It would most certainly be interesting, considering one of them is questioning whether it is or isn’t, and the other one is doing worldwide talks and appearances. Southan would argue that Kaphar’s work would not make much of a difference and that it was a waste of time trying to use art to change the world. Kaphar would argue to Southan that  Southan’s essay at times makes you forget he is in fact an artist. Kaphar’s TED talk makes you want to become an artist and nearly join his very cause of recreating past sculptures and paintings to reflect our current societal views. Southan’s frequent doubt of artists when he himself leaves you slightly confused because the opinions he writes about often flip flop between one another.

The changes I made were ones I felt were significant. I kept important sentences, and revised the sentences that my peer’s and Professor Emerson suggested to make changes to. Something I also felt was important was to keep sentences or phrases that my peers thought made my essay strong. I made revisions to the sentences following the intro to my second paragraph to give the reader a greater understanding of Southan and Kaphar’s views. I also edited the last sentence to my first paragraph to better express my views and not Southan or Kaphar’s views. I feel these changes gave my paper more direction and created a more focused paper that the reader can more easily understand.

My goal for this essay is to achieve a well written 5 page paper or between 1100-1400 words. I often struggle to come up with enough substance to fill out an essay to the full extent that a teacher wants. Usually I end up burning up and have to scrap together ideas in order to meet a word or page count. to Achieve this goal without have to scrap more ideas together that just fill space, I am going to list out ideas that I can use to fill out sections and not create a paper where the end is used to fill space. if a challenge comes up that proves to difficult for me to solve on my own I will ask multiple peers for their help since I have a lot of friends in this class, and if that fails I would e-mail you. I have yet to run into a problem that I cannot personally solve on my own when it comes to writing an essay so running into a problem to large for me to figure out is not my biggest worry. Another goal of mine is to add more evidence in the form of quotes to help persuade my readers further towards my opinion. quotes are also a good solution to papers that lack the ability to fill a page count or word number. Quotes can also hurt a writer if the are done poorly and have to depth or lack of relevance to the paragraph or idea they support, so I need to be careful when choosing what quotes for what ideas or else it could fail to aid in persuasion or possibly push the reader away from my essay. I can also ask my peers for their opinion on my quotes so that I can get a second opinion on if the lack relevance or are a good fit for for the paragraph.