rough draft paragraphs

Rhys Southan’s Is Art a Waste of Time and Titus Kaphlar’s Ted Talk representing alternate views on art and artists’ influence in today’s society. Southan’s essay describes struggle for all artists not finding a sense of originality and being viewed as uninfluential on an individual scale. Titus Kaphlar’s TED talk describes a much different story where a simple question from his son about a sculpture in front of the Smithsonian Museum motivates him to work on amending all historical artwork to portray a more modern cultural view. Art is one of the most influential ways someone’s ideas can be supported or changed. It is its own language, its own expression. Both artists have the ability to change the world in their own way but their individual approach to the situation clash.

What would a conversation between Southan and Kaphlar about the topic of art’s influence sound like? It would most certainly be interesting, considering one of them is questioning whether it is or isn’t, and the other one is doing worldwide talks and appearances. Southan’s essay at times makes you forget he is in fact an artist. Kaphar’s TED talk makes you want to become an artist and nearly join his very cause of recreating past sculptures and paintings to reflect our current societal views. Southan’s frequent doubt of artists when he himself leaves you slightly confused because the opinions he writes about often flip flop between one another.

Revised paragraphs

Rhys Southan’s Is Art a Waste of Time and Titus Kaphlar’s Ted Talk representing alternate views on art and artists’ influence in today’s society. Southan’s essay describes struggle for all artists not finding a sense of originality and being viewed as uninfluential on an individual scale. Titus Kaphlar’s TED talk describes a much different story where a simple question from his son about a sculpture in front of the Smithsonian Museum motivates him to work on amending all historical artwork to portray a more modern cultural view. Art is one of the most influential ways someone’s ideas can be supported or changed. It is its own language, its own expression. Both artists have the ability to change the world in their own way but their individual approach to the situation clash.

What would a conversation between Southan and Kaphlar about the topic of art’s influence sound like? It would most certainly be interesting, considering one of them is questioning whether it is or isn’t, and the other one is doing worldwide talks and appearances. Southan would argue that Kaphar’s work would not make much of a difference and that it was a waste of time trying to use art to change the world. Kaphar would argue to Southan that  Southan’s essay at times makes you forget he is in fact an artist. Kaphar’s TED talk makes you want to become an artist and nearly join his very cause of recreating past sculptures and paintings to reflect our current societal views. Southan’s frequent doubt of artists when he himself leaves you slightly confused because the opinions he writes about often flip flop between one another.

The changes I made were ones I felt were significant. I kept important sentences, and revised the sentences that my peer’s and Professor Emerson suggested to make changes to. Something I also felt was important was to keep sentences or phrases that my peers thought made my essay strong. I made revisions to the sentences following the intro to my second paragraph to give the reader a greater understanding of Southan and Kaphar’s views. I also edited the last sentence to my first paragraph to better express my views and not Southan or Kaphar’s views. I feel these changes gave my paper more direction and created a more focused paper that the reader can more easily understand.